Body Positive

Lately, I've been particularly aware of the way my friends and coworkers (the female ones) have been commenting on their diets and bodies... Jesus, we're all fun, smart, successful, and beautiful! Why are we so negative?! I recently read an article on medium.com about how the way other people perceive themselves ultimately influences the way we perceive ourselves and perhaps reading this article heightened my sense to do so because lately, I've been second guessing myself. For the most part, I feel pretty positive and confident about my body, imperfections and all, but with everyone else harping on their body, I begin to do the same. I'm writing this blog post (my first in nine months) because I need to vent these feelings out.

When my mother, my friends, and my coworkers all say, "I'm so fat" or "I'm so ugly", "I'm a fatty, I know" ... "I hate this about myself...", etc..., it ultimately makes me believe the things that they're saying. Not only that, but it makes me begin to believe these negative things about myself when I mimic their actions. I don't know if women try to protect themselves by calling out their own behaviors and labeling them as negative before anyone else does, but I don't feel like any of this is healthy. So you had a burrito for lunch. You had a slice of cake after your burrito. You skipped a day at the gym. That's okay! Why do we speak of these actions as negative and sinful?

One of my coworkers came back from lunch today and I asked her what she got. She said, "I went with [Mary] who got a salad but I got tacos. I'm being fat. I failed, I know." I couldn't even respond to her. So does this mean I'm fat when I decide to eat a taco? Does this mean I'm fat anytime I don't eat a salad? No. This certainly does not make you (or me!) fat and it certainly does not make you a failure. Why do we feel the need to even make comments like this? Would it not have been enough for her to simply say, "I got tacos"? I don't think anyone would ever have the intention of judging her for what she ate and it's sad to me that she seems to have that expectation. This particular coworker also happens to be taller and skinnier than myself which confuses me even more and, again, leads me to believe that she thinks I'm overweight and that I should feel badly about myself for not limiting myself to a salad. This may all be based off of her insecurities but I've seen a number of women speak with the same tone and level of self esteem. It's contagious, unhealthy, and frankly, really annoying. You're a beautiful intelligent woman and you live in a beautiful body. Please stop putting yourself down.

I can only imagine that a lot of this springs from our natural instinct to compare ourselves to others. Maybe this coworker doesn't think she's "fit" in comparison to some celebrity she envies? There is body envy for others but we need to start having body envy for ourselves. We only have one body and it's the one we're stuck with for the rest of our lives so why not love it?! I'm always a supporter of trying to improve yourself and be your best self, but this best self should be defined by you and no one else. Everyone's body is different but it functions in every way we need it to so embrace what you have.

Another example of negative self-perception that I see on a regular basis comes from my mother. As my mother has gotten older, she's begun to make more and more comments about her physical appearances. I can't ever remember her doing this as I was growing up but now, all I hear is her nitpicking at her flaws. I always tell her, "You're the oldest you've ever been, but the youngest you'll ever be. In another twenty years, you're going to wish you had appreciated the beauty that are right now. Focus on what you have because it is beautiful." No matter what it is about ourselves, we should embrace what we have now as opposed to deconstructing and criticizing it. 

I truly believe that one of the most attractive features of a female is confidence. I know it realistically takes a lot to achieve this but if we can slowly learn to love and accept ourselves for who and what we are, and truly find the beauty in what makes each of us unique, a new, positive contagion will spread. So spread love! Spread positivity! Spread support! We're here to lift each other up so that we all succeed but let's start by lifting ourselves up. We are all beautiful. <3